Dear Theophilus, 

We had looked at the rational side of things last time and now I want to concentrate on what we find very puzzling - the non-rational. In science, it is the puzzling, and what does not obey the norm, that often leads us to new discoveries. It is the same in many other areas.

If we look at the non-rational in the lives of people, this points to two very important conclusions. There is more to man than we normally see (something that we concluded, even looking at the rational side of man) and we come to realize that there is a serious problem with man, a problem that goes to the very depths of man.

If we take a closer look at ourselves and look at the relationship that we have with other people, we inevitably come to the conclusion that there are two sides to every human being. This is such a fundamentally important point, that unless we realize it, we will be faced with many problems and questions which will seem to have no answers. There is what we would call our external self through which we present ourselves to the world and through which we, mostly, interact with the world. This is a self that is governed principally by rationality and is sometimes referred to as the ego. This is what we identify ourselves with but at the same time, deep down, we realize that this is a superficial and transient self. It does not last, as the quick passage of years testifies to. There is another aspect to us and that is hidden and mysterious, and this is the self that lasts. Our external and superficial self is not eternal and is doomed to disappear because this is the normal run of things in the world. This self is fragile and frail. It is mainly through prayer that we have a contact with that deeper and more permanent self and that is why prayer is so important to us. Let me expand on this a little bit.

We are in a sense schizophrenic in that we are divided and at war with ourselves. Sometimes, those deeper levels of us irrupt into the conscious world and strange and horrific deeds result. We often see this on the news or read about it in the newspapers or see it in persons such as Stalin and Hitler. The fact that this happens is evidence for the existence of these realms within man. This deeper self, the real self that is truly us, has suffered a calamity. Something has happened to change it from a naturally good and loving part of us to a part of us that may exhibit these behaviors of violence and hatred. Many scoff at what is written in the Book of Genesis as some fantastic fairy tale with no reality to it but this is wrong. What is written there corresponds in a real way to what we experience. The results of the fall are there and we suffer through them in our lives. What we have succeeded in doing is sometimes taming these forces but we have not exiled them out of our souls (another name for this deeper self) and they irrupt from time to time.

How are we to get out of this mess? This is the whole point of salvation and central to it, as we saw earlier is the concept of death. The ego must death and it will do so at our physical death, but it must die a special death before that. We must kill our ego and this is the purpose of morality - to train us in this act of dealing a death blow to the superficial ego. However, we have become so dominated by this self and so intertwined with it that this process is painful and as a result, many do not want to go through with it. But even if we do not undergo this voluntarily, we will be forced to go through it involuntarily at our death - no one escapes. Therefore, every act of self-denial is a step taken in the right direction. But, I want to make something very clear at this point. This does not in any way mean that we despise our ego or our bodies or our "rational" existence or deny their ability to help us. Permit me to expand on this.

Our deeper self is our fundamental self but it is damaged and because of this, it acts almost involuntarily. Sometimes our self-destructive acts such as alcoholism and others cannot be controlled and they eventually kill us. This inner self of ours has to be transformed and changed and this is a major task that we face in our lives. By practising virtue, by trying to live a moral life through an effort of will, what we are doing is trying to act on the inner man and to change him too. We are sending him a message that this is the way to be. In this, we invariably fail and this would lead to despair except for one thing.

There is an account in the Gospels about Christ descending to Hades to free those who had been imprisoned. This is a powerful image and like all images, and in this lies it power, it has a variety of meanings. Many take this to be a literal geographic meaning as somehow Christ descending into the graves in the cemetery in Jerusalem and freeing the corpses there. Having set up this literalistic image, they easily demolish it with the result that this is seen as simply a groundless fable. What Christ's descent into Hades means is His descent into our depths to deal with the real person that is us, the person that has been so damaged by the fall, and His redemption of this person. In our depths we are no longer enslaved, but free. Notice that one of the images of Christ is that of a bridegroom and what do we associate with a bridegroom? A wedding and at a wedding, two become one. The two parts of us become one and the separation has been overcome once and for all. But, you are probably saying to yourself, how can this be so? Nothing has changed. Men are still capable of violent irrational behavior. If Christ has really done what you claim He has, then we would see tangible evidence of this. My answer to you would be two-fold. You do see this evidence in history in the behavior of saints. But there is something else. Christ does not force Himself on us and it takes our co-operation with Him to complete the process of salvation. Seeing the world as it is now, simply tells us that some do not wish to co-operate; it does not mean that Christ's coming has not produced any changes. He is there in the souls of these people waiting to free them.

There are important lessons to be learned here, Theophilus. The life that we have that is passing with every day is a great gift to us and we must try to use this gift wisely. We do not despise the material, we do not despise the intellect because these also are gifts and we can use them for the benefit of our inner man. There are religions that are ego denying but at the same time they deny the validity and importance of the external world. Our faith does not go along with this view. The other thing that I would like to point out is why we try to lead moral lives and to show why we pray. Morality is a rehearsal where we are learning our lines and parts so that we can become healed and love God and our neighbor and if I may add, ourselves too. Too often, we hate ourselves more than anybody else and this is hidden from us, and this hatred of ourselves becomes evident as our hatred for others.

Those who wish to ridicule prayer point out, quite rightly, that God has no need for prayer. This is true; it is we who need prayer because this is one of the best ways to reach this inner man of ours that is hurting and is in need of healing. (Of course, there are other reasons for prayer, reasons which I will not get into at this point.) It is important that our prayer life be living and real to us. You won't always feel wonderful things when you pray but if you keep in mind why you are praying maybe it will help you to be more persistent in prayer. You need to be persistent because changes at a deep level take time and much effort. I do not need to point out to you that a treatment in psychotherapy is an ongoing one for many years and this is true for prayer. It must be ongoing and must be practised for many years The other thing is that we are asked to exercise our will. Even if we don't feel like it, it is important that we will ourselves to pray. This is contrary to a lot of pop psychology that says that unless something is done spontaneously and freely, it really has no lasting effect on us. Quite the contrary; it is because we have lost a lot of our ability to will, that we find ourselves in the quagmire that often faces us. To this effect, there is an interesting highlight placed on Christ's death. It was voluntary and this is the way we should approach the death of our ego - it should be voluntary and that means, we will it.

With this, I leave you, Theophilus, and I remain, as always,

Yours truly,

Bar-Abbas

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