Interfaith Marriages

My fiancé and I are planning to get married. He is Egyptian and I'm in America. He tells me that it's very difficult to marry in Egypt as the Coptic Church doesn't allow them to marry outside of their religion? I'm a bit confused as this is all new to me. I know that we have many cultural differences and each church has pretty much the same rules. However I would like to get an opinion from a person more knowledgeable like you. I am 10 years his senior. He also informed me that because we have a difference in age that it's best to marry outside of Egypt.

My fiancé has also approached me with asking to marry Orfi....I really don't understand orfi, all what I know is that this is no form of marriage and it's very informal in Egypt. I asked him if anyone in his family has married in that way...he said no! He had stated initially that we can marry in the USA. But everything seems to be so complicated as far as us dating from a distance. I need to gather all my information just to make sure that we are doing the right thing.

Some Orthodox Churches are more strict than others with regard to their rules about marriage outside their community. It seems that the Coptic Church is among the stricter ones, for it seems that it requires that both partners in a marriage must belong to their fold. It is thus not a question of the disparity of ages. The question would be whether you are prepared to join the Coptic Church - something to be considered carefully. Or, conversely, would your fiance accept being considered with disapproval by the Church which is an integral part of his background and culture? It might even involve his excommunication.

Such is not the case with all Orthodox Churches. Incidentally, the Coptic Church is part of the Christian family known as the Oriental Orthodox Church. The Church of which I am a part is of the Eastern Orthodox family. Apart since the 5th century, today these Churches are closer together than ever before. However there is still a great deal of diversity. It is not surprising for even among the Eastern Orthodox there is some diversity as to the application - strict ("akribeia") or lenient ("ekonomeia") - of canons (rules regarding the ways in which the eternal Gospel is to be applied in specific situations). The tendency in Orthodoxy is to always strive for the maximum while accepting that for now it may be necessary to settle for what may be a good deal less than the ideal.

I thank you for the affording me the opportunity to do a little research on "orfi" marriage. I had never heard of this before. It appears that this is a marriage of convenience which is not officially registered and consequently not legally binding. It also seems to be peculiar to Muslim cultures, especially in Egypt. It is no wonder, for sexual relations outside a marriage in these cultures put the participants in danger of death, and not just because of sexually transmitted diseases.

Could there be anything sacramental about such a marriage? God knows, for He knows people's hearts and intentions and how their path will go - He does NOT coerce them to go anywhere. There are marriages that are properly constituted and blessed that nevertheless fail, alas! A committed relationship might conceivably begin as an orfi marriage and still unfold to become a marvelous testimony to the potential for a perfect unity in diversity to which all marriages - and all partners of marriage - are called.

You do well to consider these matters carefully. Love is not simply a feeling or an action of the will. It is both and much more besides - and it is a process which is to be entered and participated in freely, wisely and faithfully. I do not know that I have cast much light on your quest. May the Lord to Whom you address your prayers about this help you. He will certainly not abandon you.